It has almost been a YEAR since my last blog post. I can't believe it... Apologies to those special people in my life that constantly encouraged me to write and blog, and apologies to my own self not committing like I planned. Regardless I am back to give it another go.
It has been a tough week for me. A combination of thoughts and life's situations had gotten the better of me and triggered my depression. For those who do not know, despite my constant laughter and positive messages I actually suffer from depression. It's been about 5 years since I've been diagnosed. Although I'm slowly beating it, I still have lapses that puts me in downward spirals. I'm still learning to deal with and handle these situations. I understand it will take time.
So in the past week I've been hiding in my shell. Hidden away from the rest of the world trying to figure out the next step I need to take in terms of self-improvement. I guess I just needed time to revisit who I was... who I truly am. I do embrace the attitude of being positive at every opportunity, but in the process I forgot that I am still and will always be a sensitive and emotional person who thinks A LOT. Time alone taught me that.
All week I had questioned myself and the path I was walking along. So after a few years, I finally went back to Mass in search of answers. I'm not exactly religious but I'm still a Catholic and still a believer.
Straight away I felt like God was talking to me. There was a priest I have never seen before. Being a small local church, it was always limited to 2 regular priests. But this man was new. I never expected to see a Chinese Priest running this Mass. His English was terrible, he didn't know the words to the songs and he himself admitted he wasn't a great singer. But I liked him. He had a great attitude and even told jokes. Just seeing a new face on what used to be a familiar environment taught me that, "just because there is a change of scenery, doesn't mean you can't continue on the path you chose a long time ago."
The priest then spoke about not allowing sad news and sad times to deter you from living life and enjoying it. Just stay the course and find the strength you need to overcome life's hurdles. Funny enough, that's EXACTLY the answer/message I needed to hear. Over the years, my faith had slowly diminished but I'd like to think that it got a little stronger just by attending this mass. Time will tell.
During the session there was this cute baby girl who was running around and just enjoying being around other people. In our busy lives, we take for granted the actual lessons kids try actually teach us. We think that we as adults are supposed to teach kids all that we know, but sometimes there are lessons to be learned by watching kids living their lives.
They teach us to just enjoy the moment life has given us.
They teach us that a new scenery should be fun and not so daunting.
They teach us how much of an impact a simple smile toward a stranger can have.
So here is where I end for now. Finding myself again. Reminded of the person I truly am. Understanding that amidst the darkness, there are different forms of light.
Here's to hoping I can... no WILL write more regularly instead of making the mistake of keeping it all inside.
Time to turn this setback into a comeback.
