It has almost been a YEAR since my last blog post. I can't believe it... Apologies to those special people in my life that constantly encouraged me to write and blog, and apologies to my own self not committing like I planned. Regardless I am back to give it another go.
It has been a tough week for me. A combination of thoughts and life's situations had gotten the better of me and triggered my depression. For those who do not know, despite my constant laughter and positive messages I actually suffer from depression. It's been about 5 years since I've been diagnosed. Although I'm slowly beating it, I still have lapses that puts me in downward spirals. I'm still learning to deal with and handle these situations. I understand it will take time.
So in the past week I've been hiding in my shell. Hidden away from the rest of the world trying to figure out the next step I need to take in terms of self-improvement. I guess I just needed time to revisit who I was... who I truly am. I do embrace the attitude of being positive at every opportunity, but in the process I forgot that I am still and will always be a sensitive and emotional person who thinks A LOT. Time alone taught me that.
All week I had questioned myself and the path I was walking along. So after a few years, I finally went back to Mass in search of answers. I'm not exactly religious but I'm still a Catholic and still a believer. Straight away I felt like God was talking to me. There was a priest I have never seen before. Being a small local church, it was always limited to 2 regular priests. But this man was new. I never expected to see a Chinese Priest running this Mass. His English was terrible, he didn't know the words to the songs and he himself admitted he wasn't a great singer. But I liked him. He had a great attitude and even told jokes. Just seeing a new face on what used to be a familiar environment taught me that, "just because there is a change of scenery, doesn't mean you can't continue on the path you chose a long time ago."
The priest then spoke about not allowing sad news and sad times to deter you from living life and enjoying it. Just stay the course and find the strength you need to overcome life's hurdles. Funny enough, that's EXACTLY the answer/message I needed to hear. Over the years, my faith had slowly diminished but I'd like to think that it got a little stronger just by attending this mass. Time will tell.
During the session there was this cute baby girl who was running around and just enjoying being around other people. In our busy lives, we take for granted the actual lessons kids try actually teach us. We think that we as adults are supposed to teach kids all that we know, but sometimes there are lessons to be learned by watching kids living their lives. They teach us to just enjoy the moment life has given us. They teach us that a new scenery should be fun and not so daunting. They teach us how much of an impact a simple smile toward a stranger can have.
So here is where I end for now. Finding myself again. Reminded of the person I truly am. Understanding that amidst the darkness, there are different forms of light. Here's to hoping I can... no WILL write more regularly instead of making the mistake of keeping it all inside. Time to turn this setback into a comeback.
As I walk along this path
I'm stumbling and falling
Looking for some guidance
Constantly searching for a calling
There’s darkness in all corners
The luminance I begin to chase
A clearer mind and soul
Is what is what I want to embrace
Engulfed by flickers of light
Not wanting to stand still
I want to overcome the confusion
And add strength to my will
So I continue my journey
Feeling both pain and joy
For adulthood awaits me
I'm no longer just a boy
By embarking on these travels
I just hope to feel free
As I find the true answers
To the questions about me...
I told myself that I would steer away from writing poetry in an attempt to embrace the new me. I suppose it's like every major process in life in the sense that it's difficult to let go in an instant. Whether it's an object, a relationship, or a particular behaviour, I guess many of life's lessons are better absorbed when tackled gradually as opposed to directly head on.
I guess I felt that this poem would reflect a more effective introduction for this post. Once again my common theme of "self-discovery" is applied and explored regarding my decisions and thoughts on life.
I guess the feelings expressed in this blog have been developing for a while now. Once again I find myself stuck between abattle of my mind and my heart, this time regarding an outlook on life and what I really want for the future. Simply it’s a debate concerning the idea of “what kind of life do I want to live? Do I still want my own family?" If you asked me this a few years ago or even just few months ago, I would confidently answer “of course!” with no hesitance whatsoever. However these days, it’s a different story. I honestly would need to think about it. I’m not so certain anymore. I realise the very idea may cause some commotion with others and raise some eyebrows, but it’s definitely something I have been thinking a lot about lately...
Growing up, my greatest goal in life was to have a family, be a father to multiple kids as I embrace the Filipino culture of being a family oriented guy. "I'm gonna have at least 7 kids" I would tell my mum as she laughed at me. Don't get me wrong, I will ALWAYS be a family-oriented guy but nowadays, I don't have the same passion and desire to be a husband and father. There are various reasons for that.
One of the main reasons being I question my ability to be a fit husband and father in the future. Do I have the right attitude and enough mental strength to handle all the sacrifices to be made? I suppose parental skills come naturally to most but as a person whom despises unworthy parents, I can't see myself becoming a parent if I can't provide my family with a lifestyle to be proud of.
Maybe I'm thinking too much but I assure you that it's for all the right reasons. I mean, I'm terrible when it comes to earning and saving money. There's always a part of me that will feel the need to rely on other family members to provide me with financial and mental support and despite being 25, I have a lot of growing up to do.
From a physical standpoint. I am constantly injured, no matter how much I try to recover. My genes aren't exactly desirable. Knowing that I already have Gout (which is strong on both sides of the family) and scoliosis, there is history of Cancer, Diabetes, Arthritis and Alzheimers in my genes. I couldn't forgive myself if I deprived my kids of playing with their dad, I couldn't forgive myself if I passed on bad genes to them and I certainly couldn't forgive myself if I introduced my kids and wife to a world where they would have to look after me and my injuries. It's not about me being negative and looking for excuses, it's about me being rational and realistic about my future endeavours. I guess time will tell if my drive to be a loving husband and father returns, for the time being there are other agendas that need to be addressed. In terms of other agendas, I am referring to my new found desires to travel, live abroad and take in all the cultures and wonders of the world. I think these desires arose only from recent times. I have been overseas but only to Philippines, Singapore, Thailand and Guam. Despite spending a relatively good amount of time abroad, I'm constantly discovering new places and enjoying new experiences on every trip and I yearn for more. I want to experience as much as I can in this short life we are given. I want to see all the places and events/festivals that are constantly promoted on tv. To see, feel, taste, hear, smell all the paradise, world-known landmarks, countries secrets, everything on offer to enjoy, that's my dream.
Ironically my desire to explore the world came about when I would just sit on my ass at home all day browsing through countless tv shows. I constantly came across a variety of shows that showed the beauty of the world and really caught my interest. The amazing race, an idiot abroad, B430, 25 things to try before you die, getaway, and just about every other program shown on the Nat Geo Adventure channel, all basically lured me in and lead me to having a mindset focussed on a new desire to see the world.
By watching The amazing race, not only was I able to observe how travel affected the psyche of the competitors, but I was able to see how the impact particular countries made the same people really appreciate the life they already live. By experiencing the hardships and difficult lifestyles of people in less fortunate (in terms of financially) countries, it was an opportunity for the people involved to not only appreciate what they already have, but to learn and understand new perspectives and experience different cultures (like Carl in an idiot abroad). In a nutshell, its both humbling and inspiring at the same time. I can definitely relate to that same feeling of being humbled as it's all too familiar when I spend time in my homeland of the Philippines. I've witnessed a great deal of locals finding joy in the simplest of things, accepting a life with limited resources and making the most of it. It's an attitude that I wish to learn and apply on a regular basis and really encourage others to learn it also.
On shows like B430 and 25 things to try before you die I was able to see all the fun opportunities available in countries from every continent. The nightlife, festivals and events to attend and enjoy in my youth. The famous landmarks to visit that will make you admire them in awe, and create everlasting memories. The different foods to taste and cultural aspects to absorb. The world has so much to offer so it'll definitely be worth it to save money when possible.
A few months ago, a big part of me wanted to spend time living abroad, in places like Japan, the US or London. Partly because I had relatives there, but mainly due to my depression. During that downward spiral, I had a desire to move to another country, not so much to just run away but to actually start fresh in a different and new environment. But now I just want to spend time living abroad to for the experience and to absorb as much different cultures as possible. I guess it's no coincidence that around 10 of my friends (all in their 20s) are all taking time to travel the world at the same time. I may envy them but I'm definitely happy for them to have taken this opportunity at an age where they can really enjoy themselves (as opposed to being physically limited when senior citizens).
So that's where I stand at this moment. Don't get me wrong, this isn't a one-sided decision. When I see people with their kids laughing like only a parent could laugh then my heart reminds me of my desire to raise my own family, but my mind follows an alternate path influenced by many different factors. Of course, nothing is set in stone and that's how life should be lived, maximum experience and constantly looking forward to the next journey. Whatever the outcome, I am forever grateful to be able to live a life full of options.
Thought I would write a post in relation to the importance of perspective in everyday life because I'm excited to see the show on Channel 10 tonight called 'A can of worms'. From what I gather, it's a show that explores the insight of everyday Australians as they input their perspective on different issues. It definitely intrigues me to watch, learn and try to understand the mindset of different people. I hope it catches on in the sense that it encourages people to expand and broaden their minds.
I'm sure everybody is familiar with the saying "I had to bite my tongue", referring to the notion of 'keeping a thought or opinion to yourself' or 'not saying what you want to say' in particular situations. For me, I find myself in many instances where I have to decide if it's beneficial to speak my mind at that moment in time. Sometimes instinct overpowers train of thought and that results in me openly expressing myself in a way that may prove disrespectful and inappropriate. This is one character trait that I am continually trying to work on.
Over the years I had found myself interchanging from a uber passive person, to a fairly assertive, and at times a confused person taking an aggressive approach. Experience has shown me that there are different times and places that requires me to take different approaches.
Every job I've had required me dealing with customers with personalities that range from friendly and shy people toaggressive and unreasonable people. Working in retail is definitely a test of patience and character. That being said, I can safely admit that I was never the most professional worker you will ever see, but I was open to learning new things in terms on taking the right approach when dealing with different people. This proved significant in the sense that it enabled me to learn how to hold back and not necessarily wear my heart on my sleeve all the time.
Everyday life and general social interaction can sometimes have as much impact and influence over your mindset as direct lessons from your parents/guardians. I'm starting to see the importance of taking a more open-minded approach to life. The world doesn't exactly embrace just one particular culture and its values. People are entitled to their own opinions, beliefs and passions. It's ok to disagree with people whom practice different faiths and morals, but as long as they aren't breaking the law then who are we as individuals to tell them what is the absolute correct way of living. One's approach to living may not prove ideal in contrast with another's perspective but we must learn to accept.
We all have people close to us that may behave and act in ways that don't initially receive our approval. No matter how hard we try to teach and shape them into ideal beings, sometimes it's the wrong approach. Whose to say we know what's right and wrong all the time. Sure we may found ourselves wanting to guide them onto what we perceive as the 'correct path' but at the end of the day, every individual is their own person on their own journey and you shouldn't force them to change (unless it's within reason). The important thing is to exercise acceptance when appropriate.
I may be overly sensitive and overly defensive at times but I'm grateful for the times where people 'put me in my place' when I needed a good kick in the butt (as much as I hate reacting to criticism). It's not so much about trying to get everyone's approval, it's more so an attempt to learn and expand my knowledge on different perspectives.
As we attempt to grow into what we perceive as our 'ideal selves' we may temporarily send our original values and beliefs adrift and exchange them with alternatives in order to broaden our understanding on perspective or even feel a sense of improvement. At the end of the day, we must embrace the notion that we have an infinite amount of life lessons we need to learn and apply. Despite having strong feelings against some values, we must endure any sort of psychological damage the feelings may cause in order to explore our potential in terms of having a strong mentality.
Acceptance equals growth...
NOTE: This is a poorly written blog that didn't turn out the way I planned. The flow is awful but I still wanted to put it out there because it still has meaning. In some ways, that's just like my life... It's moreso a reflection of how I came to be the person I am today. A blog like a journal entry to look back on later in life. So please excuse all the "I's" and "me's" that were used. I know people don't enjoy hearing those words all the time but sometimes that's just how blogs are.
Mental strength is underrated. For those who really know me know I have this unfortunate tendency to make excuses. It’s not my fault, it’s because... hahaha, just kidding. :P Whether it’s about not attending events I’ve been invited to, not doing exercise, or not completing assignments, I always found some sort “mental-cushion” in the form of an excuse. For some reason, I felt that my lack of discipline was justified by blaming something or someone else. Through observation, I believe it’s simply because I have always had a fear of getting in trouble and handling it. This child-like mentality has been a constant throughout my whole life.
So what happens now? I guess I'll continue to work on this negative character trait and obtain very useful knowledge from it. I admit to using various forms of excuses to avoid situations, including using my depression, injuries or whatever to escape doing unappealing things. It is who I am, but change can be very effective with a little patience.
This behaviour caught my interest as I reminisced about who I was as a kid vs teenage me vs adult me. In primary school, I was a "goody-goody". I wasn't the smartest, but achieved plenty of awards and did my best to avoid trouble. I was bigger than others, but never bullied anyone. Just another BFG, 'Big Friendly Gook'.
So come to high school. Started off slow being very shy and trying to figure out my place. Took awhile to find a happy medium. But discovered it once I grew familiar with classmates. I befriended the idiots and trouble-makers of each class simply because we shared a similar sense of humour. Together we became class clowns. It was an unfamiliar yet satisfying feeling to be able to make the whole class laugh without getting into trouble. In 8th grade my friends and I had to perform a mini-play in front of the whole class and being a common sleep-deprived teenager I was a bit delirious and couldn't be bothered following the script we wrote. Instead I used a bit of improv and gave a performance of what looked like an inebriated weatherman (we had to perform as a tv news crew). The class absolutely loved it! Surprisingly, so did the teacher Ms. Cahill. She gave me an award for 'model work'. I was encouraged to do a similar performance during a speech for science. Unfortunately our science teacher had a different sense of humour than the rest of us. Shit! Hahaha!
I rarely gave in to peer pressure that lead to trouble. Didn't try smoking or wear casual clothes instead of uniform "because it's cool". I didn't even own a first mobile phone until I was 16. To be honest, my mum was relatively strict on me so I would regress to my childhood frame of mind and fear the thought of getting in trouble. So I learned about picking battles and balancing good and bad behaviour to make class more enjoyable.
Year 10 was the best time in high school. The workload was easy, teachers weren't so strict, none of my friends had dropped out or moved to another school, and of course, the girls were looking good! XP At this stage I learned how to argue with certain teachers and use my good grades against them. I was never a bad-ass student, FAAAAARRRRR from it. But I developed a way of agitating them and getting away with it. I feel bad for my English teacher Mrs. Povey. We would give her shit every lesson, but she was a trooper. She just laughed it off. One time while she was talking to us, I stood up and left the room saying, "miss, I'm goin to piss". She was speechless as the room filled with laughter. What's the big deal you wonder? Well I went to Emmaus Catholic College. A shithouse school with too many rules and you need the teacher to sign your diary, date, time and everything just so you could go relieve yourself. Upon return, Mrs Povey called me out in front of the class and said, "what has gotten into you Jan? You used to be such a good student." To which I replied, "what do you mean miss? Are you calling me a bad student in front of everyone? That's slack miss!" As a result, she apologised to me. Hahahahaha! Sometimes it's just more fun to be bad.
Then I arrive at the final 2 years of high school. Half of my friends were gone, there weren't as many girls around and my liking toward maths had ceased to exist. The teachers were more strict, the workload was challenging and my ability to communicate with teachers in a charming fashion became more of a habit to argue with them. I found myself in trouble constantly, and was even kicked out of my Maths Class in year 12 with half a year to go. Mrs Palmano was a useless bitch. She couldn't even teach us, we were learning through our top student Steven Day (her included). I was kicked out because she never had comebacks when we would argue. Without warning she kicked out half the class in addition so it didn't look like she wasn't picking on me. The difference is, I was a top 3 student, and they were the bottom 5. That was probably the thing that pissed me off most in high school, along with my best friend cheating on my cousin whom I was close to, and my other best friend trying to steal my girlfriend behind my back... and people wonder why I say and write the things that I do. :S
Now after-high-school-Jan to early-20s-Jan was different again. He was the thinkaholic starting new chapters, constantly making new friends and generally enjoying life despite the challenges. Also known as the guy that is too nice, I found myself doing favour after favour for my female friends. Over those years I went through 5 female best friends who at one point or another may have taken advantage of my niceness (in a bad way) and I found myself being misled and developing feelings that weren't mutual. My expectations had just lead to disappointment as I drifted away from all those girls. Those experiences combined with very unfortunate circumstances in my family life lead to a downward spiral. Enter depression and the fear of trusting others.
Lets skip all that drama and reach the current Jan. Still a little sensitive, still in a bit of pain, but more accepting, more wise and most importantly... happy. My mind, heart and soul have come a looooong way to arrive at a sense of self that embraces my self-worth. I finally accept me for me and if I want to change certain characteristics then I am able to. Negative thoughts, imperfections, insecurities, we all have them. It's just a matter of learning how to approach life with them, by adjusting and adapting.
We all go through changes in mindset and feelings. Some of you have children now and you have a better grasp on priority, same goes to people whom have committed to their careers. Life is a journey of discovery no matter the path chosen. And you don't have to go alone. So as the journey continues, I look forward to meeting and understanding the me of tomorrow.
I never expected that I would ever write a blog about Rugby League, but after watching last nights performance of the NSW blues in game 2 of State of origin, I guess I felt multiple forms of inspiration. GO THE BLUES.
Growing up in Sydney my father, brother and I quickly became fans of the game of Rugby League. Sure, it's not exactly a sport played worldwide, and the players aren't exactly raking in the millions, but it sure as hell is exciting to watch. But nothing is more exciting than State of Origin.
I've been a fan of state of origin since I was a kid. I would feel complete jubilation at the victory of NSW. Of course I cheer for NSW, this is where I have been raised for over 20 years. I couldn't picture living anywhere else, this is my home. That is why I have embraced the culture of state of origin. It's an event that displays a sense of pride and passion within people, whether or not they are fans of rugby league. To anyone from NSW who cheers for QLD just because they have been more successful in the past years, you can simply eat shit when it comes to origin. We can still be friends afterwards. Hahaha!
Anyways, onto Game 2. What a game! Fast-paced, few mistakes, decent refereeing contributed to an excellent flowing game. As a blues fan, I couldn't be prouder of the boys on their performance last night. They did the state of NSW proud and have restored our faith in them to actually win a series. It was great to finally see a sell-out crowd at ANZ. Eighty-two thousand! Wow! Even though a fraction of them were Queensland supporters, the sell-out crowd was great to see. It was great for the game and the sport. It has diverted our attention away from the infamous stories about players that constantly taint the game and let's us focus on Rugby League as a sport as opposed to just entertainment for the media.
Welcome back Ricky Stuart. Everything you had brang to the table has created a sense of belief in not only the players, but the fans. It's great that NSW have a coach that is commited to only one team. As good as Craig Bellamys record is as a first-grade coach, he wasn't right for the job. He found success with a team that breached the salary cap year in and year out. Not to mention his reluctance to provide proper intel on how to play against his beloved Storm players who represent Queensland. As for Ricky, he's all about the state he loves and has represented as coach and a player in the past. Noone can deny the knowledge he has obtained from his on-field experience, not only as a player, but as the halfback,the playmaker, the visionary who constantly has to read both the offence and defense of both sides. Thank you Sticky for creating the right culture for the origin players to follow. I love the idea that Ricky Stuart introduced the idea of using loved ones to present the players their jerseys. It reflects a sense that the players have so much to play for, not just themselves. The gathering of family members, creates a stronger bond within camp as the players feel even more comfortable around one another. Ricky was criticised for shedding a tear in front of his players, but this simply displayed his genuine passion for the game, for the players and for the win. In the end, it helps create more of a brotherhood as opposed to simply a collection of players being used for their skills. Many of the boys this series echo the words, "we want to win for eachother". A line that overshadows doubts about the blues not being a team.
To the newcomer Will Hopoate and oldcomer Anthony Minichello, my hats off to you two blokes for proving me and other doubters wrong. I am one of the many who questioned your selection, and boy I'm glad you shut me up. As a rookie and a veteran, neither of you hadn't even played a game or origin in the last few years, yet on the biggest stage of them all you managed to score tries that got us the lead and got us the win. I am pleasantly surprised that you were able to replace two of our best from game one in Michael Jennings and Josh Dugan. Mini didn't play so mini, he was HUGE, he was brilliant. With 26 hit ups, he was only second to Captain Gallen in meters gained. Not only was he flawless under the high ball and in general defense, he constantly looked to insert himself in plays as he followed the play the ball all over the park. Whether he was a runner, a decoy, or a support player, he was everywhere and he was incredible. Looking back he could have finished with a hatrick if only Uate had passed him the ball at the right time during broken play. In the end, The Counts effort was rewarded as he sealed the win with a try off a great left-foot step from Jamie Soward. Great Performance boys, we would be glad to take you into battle for the decider at Suncorp on July 6.
The other 4 boys who weren't even around for game 1, did a phenomenal job. Jarryd Hayne, showed signs of brilliance in his footwork despite given limited ball. The versatile machine Kurt Gidley who covered about 4 or 5 different postions throughout the night, came off the bench made great decisions from dummy half and managed to have the 3rd most tackles in the blues side despite not playing the whole game. Anthony Watmough was devastating around the ruck, with his quick play and bulldozing runs, even filling in as a prop at times with the use of his toughness. And Luke Lewis, what can I say about the man who started as a kid on the wing when he debuted for the blues 8 years. Now he is a great forward with speed and ball skills and can cover 5 or 6 positions across the field. That type of player is invaluable off the bench. Not only did he score the first try to get us on the board from a perfectly placed bomb from Mitchell Pearce, but he made a couple of great tackles that absolutely destroyed Queenslands momentum. No tackle better than his try-saving tackle on Cooper Cronk after Darren Lockyer made a bust and found space close to NSWs goal line. It was one them moments as a NSW fan you think, "oh no, it's happening again! no!!!". The heart of NSW fans came to a momentary pause and nerves set in, and in comes Luke Lewis comes from the other side of the field to make Queensland surrender the ball after their 6 tackles.
I'll finish off with the captain Paul Gallen. What else is there to say? You are an animal and a machine! Gallen was perfect last night. Playing the whole 80 minutes as a prop! Out of position! AND as captain. I don't think captains are appreciated enough these days. Not only do you have to constantly discipline your players who may also have egos, but you have to question and talk to the referee in the right manner, run to the referee from wherever your position is, and ultimately make the right decision. Not everyone notices the other things Gallen did. He got between Michael Ennis 'The Menace' and the QLD players before any drama could develop. Sure we enjoy a bit of the biff, but NSW had all the momentum, and a stupid play would definately motivate the QLD players to hit back. Also, Gallen also milks a bit of time when he talks to the refs when disputing a call. This is crucial in giving his players some much needed rest at times, especially when the opposing sides would be getting repeat sets from penalties. It's a smart way to disrupt the flow and momentum of opposing sides.
So much attention surrounded Gallen as he used to be the guy you loved to hate. He's a bruiser, a workhorse, and before he was captain he was perceived as another trouble-maker looking for a fight. But look at him now. Not only is he a wise captain, he is the best second-rower in the game and now one of the best front-rowers despite being relatively short. He's simply remarkable.
Great Job Blues. Let's win game 3!
As a filipino raised in Sydney, I'm constantly trying to expand my knowledge on the filipino culture. From the religious aspects, to the love of family and food, the filipino approach to life is something I respect to a great deal and I would love to apply it a lot more. One aspect of filipino culture I'm familiar with is basketball.
You could say it's a culture within a culture because the love of basketball is a great part of the filipino culture that was taught to me. There's a sense of humorous irony considering the filipino people are generally short in stature, yet we have a love to play a game suited for the taller person. At the same time, this very irony is able to highlight another aspect of the filipino culture, the ability to overcome obstacles with limited resourcesand doing it with a smile. That's just the filipino way. People who aren't aware, the Philippines isn't a country full of prosperity, but moreso a place with a great deal of poverty and a harsh lifestyle (in most cases). Being a filipino raised in a westernised civilisation, I can never truly understand the hardships that the country goes through, but I will always respect the way filipinos are able to fight adversity, and show passion when needed most.
So why do I refer to basketball as a culture as opposed to just a sport? I guess because to some it's about having the opportunity to express their thoughts and beliefs,strengths and abilities concerning their approach to the game. It leads to social gatherings that enable people of the same values, same attitudes and same goals to share a special bond. In the end, it's a lifestyle that embraces respect and the spirit of comradery and competitiveness. The basketball culture is synonomous with the filipino culture. Together, they are a Cultural match made in "Hebben".
As a kid, I was first introduced the game AND culture of basketball when I went to watch my dad play in a local competition with my uncles and their friends. Growing up, I wasn't exposed to much filipino activities outside of family gatherings, so this was a fairly new experience. Being a filipino competition the surroundings added a sense of familiarity. The opening ceremony was more of a celebration as the teams gathered to the cheers of support from family and friends. The kids even got involved just by wearing team colours or walking along side their respective fathers. Maybe all basketball tournaments were like this, I wouldn't know, I was just a kid enjoyng the moment. What I do know is that this tournament differentiated from others simply by the inclusion of food.
Filipinos love their food as well as their basketball. The atmosphere and aroma from the food cooking outside allowed for a more enjoyable experience for people who weren't playing or interested in basketball. Whether it were the big fishballs covered in that sweet sauce, the bbq you would salivate over, or the refreshing gulaman, you would come back every week just to get more. It added to the cultural experience, and implanted a joyous memory in all involved.
My boys coming together to make an impressive team.
On the past weekend, I was able to re-live that childhood experience, this time as a person in my mid-20s. The players are now my younger relatives and friends, a different generation with a different perspective. This time, the ceremony was perceived as "lame and stupid". Though there were still smiles and laughter on the players behalf, they were moreso sarcastic than genuine. The genuine laughter came from the crowd, including myself and friends and it was aimed toward the players involved in the ceremony. Hehehe. Times had changed.
Humour aside, the environment created a great sense of sentimental nostalgia. The support was still close by, the sounds and atmosphere were still lively, and the food (although different) was still available. It's a simple combination that brings great joy to many. For me, I didn't have to be involved, I was just happy to be around and sometimes that's all you need to enjoy the experience. Competitiveness aside, you can't deny the experience and the friendships made on and off the court. To this day, the majority of my close friendships originated from our love of basketball and I will be forever grateful for that.
Filipino basketball has taught me a great deal on how to approach life and how to enjoy it at the same time. The team aspect also applies to life in the sense that you don't have to overcome obstacles alone, everyone has their strengths and weaknesses and you need to learn to trust in yourself as well as trust others before time runs out and you're left dissatisfied. At the end of the day, you obtain strength and knowledge through working with others. Togetherness is key to victories on and off the court.
“It’s all in the mind”... How many times does life try to say to us, “it’s all in the mind”? Whether it refers to an illusion that had us caught off guard, a sense of paranoia that may seem irrational to others, or simply from physical pain, we are advised to consider the possibility that our mind may be just playing tricks due to the lack of strength in our psyche. I never completely understood how our brain functions, nor do I know how to use to use it at full capacity, what I know is the importance of keeping it strong. As a person who experiences countless numbers of injuries, sometimes I can’t help but wonder if it’s all in my mind. Why am I injured so much? Why am I in pain all the time? Did I really push myself physically to a point where my body couldn’t handle it. As an overweight person, I understand that my weight as a great impact on my body’s ability to handle physical activity, but part of me suspected that there must be something else beyond my physique that has been contributing to my downfall. My mental approach to living. For the past couple of weeks I had been challenging myself to alter my lifestyle in terms of strengthening my mentality. Thanks to a meaningful conversation with a long time friend, I had finally triggered a part of my brain that was determined to find the inspiration and motivation I needed to travel down the correct path. Although the process is far from instant, there is significant progress. Not too long ago, I was finding myself bedridden, or on crutches every other day as my life became what I could only describe as a ‘downward spiral’. My depression had returned and the strength of my mentality was at minimum. I couldn’t be bothered asking for help, and all I did was watch tv. I couldn’t understand why I was waking up with injuries despite doing nothing the day before. Luckily, I came across this book written by a neuropsychologist. From this point on, things began to change. Unfortunately I wasn’t able to finish the book because my dad had to return it, but I read enough to receive the message about the importance of using positivity as a way of recovery. I wish I could elaborate on this notion in a more technical way, but basically happy thoughts can heal you both mentally AND physically. It’s simple, yet I must admit I was a bit skeptical... until now. I find myself looking forward to getting out of bed in the mornings. I enjoy sitting outside in the sun just enjoying fresh air, I can tolerate all the stories my parents have to share, I spend more time with family and friends, I’m not afraid to ask others for help as opposed to feelings reluctant and thinking I’ll be a burden and most importantly I can walk without crutches or pain killers. This was my discovery from my recovery, as the saying goes “laughter is the best medicine”. A happy heart leads to a nourished soul.
